Kitchen Wench

The setting: An unseasonably cool and comfortable evening in August, throngs of fat and/or badly dressed Midwesterners, and fried food as far as the eye can see. The scent of grease, sugar, and live stock mingles in the air. Above the chatter and hum of fair goers, someone is belting out a painful version of “If I were a Rich Man” at the amatuer talent contest. To the left are rows and rows of shiny green John Deer riding lawn mowers. To the right, candy colored amusement rides spin, twist, and launch screaming people into orbit. Just as I’m thinking it can’t get any better, my friend Danielle turns to me and says, “Do you smell donuts?”

Most of the year, I try to be health-concious. Most of the year, you could safely say I’m a food snob. But once a year, I become extremely excited by the prospect of stuffing my face with fried foods on a stick. Yes, there’s other stuff at the fair… like concerts, stomach-turning rides, corn art, 4-H contests, and butter sculptures, but I know why we’re all really at the Great Minnesota Get Together: to eat.

Eating at the Fair is not for the faint of heart. It’s kind of like a marathon–you really ought to train for it in advance. Things my friends and I managed to eat yesterday:

• Hot dog
• Bratwurst
• Deep-fried cheese curds from the Mouth Trap
• Dippin’ Dots Ice Cream in 3 flavors
• A bag of mini-donuts
• Falafel
• Garlic Chicken gyro
• Lemonade
• Roasted cinnamon almonds

I’m afraid my eating stamina simply isn’t quite up to par… There were still corn dogs, fudge puppies, frozen mocha on a stick, calzones, cheeseburger wontons, spaghetti and meatball on a stick, fried pickles, fried Twinkies, and porkchops on a stick to be had. But after wandering through the aisles of award-winning cakes, breads, pies, and home-brewed beers in the Arts and Crafts building, we could feel ourselves wavering. “I think I’m sugared out,” Gina frowned, while Danielle contemplated whether the fiery feeling in her chest was heartburn. Me? Well, my stomach shrunk. Losing 15 lbs can do that to you. But, I’m telling you, give me another day and a dose of stomache enzymes, and I’ll shine with the best of them. State Fair, you haven’t seen the last of me.