Kitchen Wench

No, I’m not talking about the delicious crunchy topping on those familar breakfast treats, which also happened to be the subject of a semi-famous Seinfeld episode.

I’m talking about what the Urban Dictionary defines as that unsightly roll of flesh which bulges above a pair of too-tight jeans. You know what I’m talking about. It might even be worse than “plumber’s ass.” And, of the many items accquired on my travels through China, it appears to be the one that keeps on giving.

Up until now, it never occurred to me to address the issue of weight loss on here. Yet weight gain is often an inevitable part of eating lots of rich, delicious foods–or at least it is for some of us. Two years ago, I discovered that I can no longer eat whatever I want, whenever I want, in any amount that I want. After being away from a scale for nearly 5 months in China, I started screaming when I got home and found that I had gained 10 pounds and a wardrobe full of ill-fitting clothes. As someone who had never gained more than a couple pounds in any given time period, this was a pretty big deal–I’d gained 10% of my original body weight. It took me six more months and a few new pairs of pants to lose it all, plus a little more.

I am pretty sure it’s impossible not to gain weight while traveling in China. In a city where running a mile on an outdoor track is equivalent to smoking a pack of cigarettes, excercise seems to do more harm than good. Also, those eight or nine 12 course banquets I had to sit through probably didn’t help, not to mention the countless hotel buffets, abundance of cheap food, and the constant eating out.

Anyway, while I actually managed to fit back into most of my pants this time around, my waistline looks an awful lot like a dreadfully fattening blueberry muffin, hot from the oven (except for the part where my skin isn’t covered in purple spots). I tried to see if there was any quick way to fix this, before I have to start a new job with my stomach hanging out of those suits I bought 2 inches ago. Google rewarded my search with an article written by a transvestite who advocated 180 sit-ups (not crunches) for a week.

Well. I can barely do one sit-up, let alone 180, so that’s out. In the meantime, it’s back to denying myself delicious things (like that nutty, flaky aged gouda in the refridgerator–8 grams of fat per oz!) and forcing myself to use this terrifying eliptical running machine that’s been collecting dust in the dining room. I kind of hate running. But I hate the idea of buying a new wardrobe even more. Running is free, dress pants are expensive, and 2 inches from now, my new metabolism should allow me to eat the occasional ounce of aged gouda cheese.

It seems like the internet has suddenly gotten really boring. Or at least, everyone else’s blogs have gotten really boring. Sadly, I don’t think I’m any exception to this rule; I’m just treading water until I have to move and start my new job. I thought about making up some lie for a blog entry, like the harrowing tale of my first foray into competitive eating during which I stuffed down 20 burritos in less than 5 minutes… er, well, you get the idea. Needless to say, the reality is much more mundane, but I did make some decent oatmeal cookies and I’ll share the recipe here.

Cinnamon Apple Oatmeal Cookies

Adapted from The Gourmet Cookbook

• 1 3/4 cups old-fashioned rolled oats
• 3/4 cups all purpose flour
• 1/3 cup desicated coconut (dried, unsweeted coconut)
• 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1 1/4 sticks unsalted butter, softened
• 1/3 cup packed brown sugar
• 1/4 cup granulated sugar
• 2 large eggs
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1 cup chopped dried Fuji apple pieces (You can use regular dried apple, but Fuji apples are much sweeter and flavorful. They sell them in my local Costco store.)

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees Farenheit. Grease or line two baking sheets with parchment paper.
2. Stir together oats, flour, coconut, cinnamon, soda, and salt in a bowl.
3. Using an electric mixer at medium speed, beat together butter and sugar in a large bowl. Add eggs and vanilla and beat until well combined. Add oat mixture and beat until combined. Stir in dried apples.
4. Drop rounded tablespoons of batter onto cookie sheets, about 2 inches apart. Make sure to flatten the cookies, as they will not spread much during baking and look pretty lumpy otherwise. Bake until golden, about 10-12 minutes.

Minnesota has welcomed me home with open arms… arms filled with grass and tree pollen. I woke up Friday morning clawing at itchy eyes, sneezing as I rolled out of bed to check my alarm clock. I’ve moved back down to school and there is no air conditioning in my house, so the windows are all open, and I am popping Claritin to no avail. I am still itchy and sneezy, and the decongestant is making my head feel like it’s floating above my body.

The upshot of this is that I have no appetite whatsoever. Case in point: This afternoon, I made a beautiful apple pie and have had no urge to eat it, despite skipping lunch and only eating a bowl of Cheerios for breakfast. In fact, I’ve actually been able to allow the pie to cool the required 3 hours so I may cut it without all the hot apple filling gooshing everywhere.

The moral of this story? Clearly, Claritin-D is an effective weight loss method. However, it’s doing little to curb my runny nose and will be ruining my dinner tonight. So, after I took my pie out of the oven, I walked to the co-op and bought this box of all-natural outdoor allergy pills. If they work, fabulous. If they don’t, my sinuses will be no better than they already are, but at least I can enjoy my pie.

I can’t believe I haven’t posted in this since Shanghai. That’s shameful. Here’s a brief tour of what happened in the last two weeks.

I returned to Beijing for my final week and spent most of it buying a new wardrobe for myself, swing dancing multiple nights a week, and eating all my favorite foods for one last time (sizzling eggplant with lots of garlic and minced pork, crispy Japanese tofu in sweet and sour sauce, Korean bbq, bottled green tea, and “plain” yogurt that tastes just like a sweet Indian lassi).

I spent my last 4 days in Hong Kong, with a day trip to Macau, which has some fascinating history and a whole lot of casinos. In Hong Kong I ate Indian food twice–at the Delhi Club in Chungking Mansions and at Branto (all veg) on Lock St in Tsim Sha Tsui. I cannot get over how much they’ve cleaned up Chungking Mansions (this slummy block of old apartments and the only place to find “cheap” hostels, mostly inhabitated by East Indian and African folk). It’s better lit; the floor isn’t sticky; there’s much less hawking; and there are security guards that help you navigate the weird maze of buildings, shops, and elevators that only go to odd or even floors. I suppose it’s for the best, but part of the charm was the weird, sketchiness of the place. It’s worth a visit in any case, though I really liked the food at Branto, and the atmosphere was nicer. They had delicious fresh mango lassis.

I also had my fill of dim sum and ate 3 servings of mango pudding in 3 days. Hong Kong is definately not designed to be eye-level; all these great restaurants are tucked away on the 2nd floor of rather run-down buildings. Half the time I walk past the signs because I forget to look up.

One thing I love are all the fruit juice stands on the street. For 5 or 6 HKD you can get freshly squeezed juice, smoothies, and tapioca drinks. There are also all sorts of little dessert shops (in TST and also dotted around Mongkok) that specialize in various fruit and geletin concoctions. They’re delicious on a hot, sticky day (which is most days in Hong Kong).

But, the bottom line is, it’s all over now.  I’m back home and recovering from my jetlag. I think my life might suddenly become a lot less interesting. We’ll see.